ShangriLa High
by Aerrow
Summary: Shangri-La High, or commonly known as 'The School from Hell', is filled with chaos. This story will revolve around the residents of 'The Demon's Lair'. You have been warned. Yaoi, possible yuri, slight OCCness, AU, crack, and multiple pairings. Hiatus.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to _Saiyuki_. If I did, believe me, you would be able to tell.

**Prologue**

The ever constant _tick, tick, tick_ of the clock, accompanied by the _pop, pop, pop_ of gum bubbles popping was slowly grating on Professor Jianyi's – or more preferably, Dr. Ni – last nerve. Sure, it was fine when Goku did it because not only did he have an excuse, but also because he didn't pop bubbles in tune with the fucking _clock._

The black-haired science professor was about to smack Lirin upside the head with the teacher's addition book. Why? Cause it was bigger than the student version, that's why. Plus, the dirty-blond was starting to piss him off.

Getting ready to fling the book, Dr. Ni was interrupted by a loud knock to the door before Dean Bosatsu walked in, not bothering to wait for an answer in the first place. Lirin and Goku popped their gum bubbles once more before only the clock could be heard in the silent room; Dr. Ni and the dean staring at each other.

"Anyway," the busty woman started, "These two will be your new students. Congrats Sanzo, Gojyo, welcome to hell." The dean waved to the bored-to-death students before she walked out, not bothering to explain her sudden and short interruption. Sanzo – the blond – and Gojyo – the redhead – stared at the professor, not at all knowing what to do.

Someone in the far back coughed – probably Yaone – bringing Dr. Ni from his thoughts. "Ah, yes! Genjyo Sanzo and Sha Gojyo. I remember now!" The black-haired man stated, throwing his arms in the air before twirling around in his chair. Sanzo's eye twitched silently while the teacher did this. "Anyway, I am Professor Jianyi but I prefer Dr. Ni. Welcome to, as Dean Bosatsu so lovely put it, the classroom from hell. You may sit wherever you like, I don't really give a shit."

Sanzo took a seat behind Kougaiji as he looked like the least annoying person in the classroom. Gojyo took a seat beside his half-brother, Dokugaku, knowing that he'd at least get some help in getting caught up – not that he really cared to begin with. Dr. Ni quickly penciled in their names on the seating chart before standing up, just as the bell rang.

Roll call was left to right, front to back; making it slightly easier on both the students and the teacher. Even with their number of students, many chairs were empty, not yet being claimed. Many students took advantage of this, the teacher not really giving a shit to begin with.

The consistent popping started again, though not as loud as before, being drowned out by the calling of names.

"Yaone." _Pop._ "Here."

"Zakuro." _Pop, pop._ "Yo."

"Homura." _Pop._ "Nan."

"Shien." _Pop._ "Here."

_Pop._ "Will you stop that Lirin!?" Dr. Ni shouted, throwing a clip board at the young demon girl. Said girl quickly ducked, causing the piece of wood to slam into Zakuro's face – knocking him out of his seat. While he recovered – with the help of Yaone – Lirin stood up with a frown on her face.

"How come Goku gets to chew gum and blow bubbles while I can't?" The dirty-blond questioned, crossing her arms and a frown set on her face. "One, Goku needs it to help keep him focused and two, he doesn't make it an annoying habit." Dr. Ni growled out, going back to roll call.

Lirin scowled, sticking her tongue out when Goku made a face at her. "Not fair." She muttered under her breath, pulling out a piece of paper to start doodling on. Goku stood up suddenly, knocking his chair over and forcing many of the other students to look at him. "Yes Goku?" Dr. Ni asked, not really paying attention. The boy probably had another useless epiphany.

"Did you know that the dot over the letter 'i' is called a "tittle"?" Surprised that Goku actually said something that no one else in the room knew, Dr. Ni was truly impressed. "Hakkai still making you watch the history channel?" Goku simply nodded, sitting down in his chair and returning to blowing and popping bubbles.

"It amazes me how cute yet fucking weird you are Goku." Hazel muttered, pushing his silver-colored hair out of his face before putting his hat back on – Zakuro had earlier knocked it off with a spit ball. The short brunette simply ignored him, being to intent with making the biggest fucking bubble he could.

Sanzo rolled his eyes at the boy's antics. Although, he could help but think that the silver-haired boy was right; Goku _was_ cute. Gojyo snickered lightly, already liking the class. "Anyone know where Gat is?" Dr. Ni interrupted, looking over his seating chart.

"Probably died of blood loss from imagining Goku naked an-" The rest of Homura's retort was cut off short when Hakkai threw an eraser with deadly aim, choking as it lodged itself within his throat. "Nice going Hakkai!" The two brunette's high-fived, Goku grinning wildly while Hakkai settled with a slight smile.

"Ignore Homura. He's got a major crush on Goku." Kougaiji said to the two new students, having to lean over Dokugaku slightly – not that the demon minded anyway. "So, just who is this odd bunch?" Gojyo asked, looking around slightly.

"Good question Mr. Sha!" Dr. Ni exclaimed, startling many of the students. "This is Goku, the cute chibi-chan of the classroom. Hakkai, the genius with a killer aim. Homura, the creepy pervert with a crush on chibi-chan. Yaone, the shy yet smart girl. Shien and Zenon, Homura's 'lackeys'. Zakuro, the teacher's pet. Lirin, the odd annoying girl that never shuts up. Hazel, the smart ass and Gat – who is absent – his lackey. Kougaiji, the most popular boy at school along with his boyfriend and bodyguard, Dokugaku. Yada, yada. You get the idea." Dr. Ni finished off, having pointed to everyone that he mentioned.

"Why do you keep calling me chibi-chan?" Goku asked, puffing his cheeks out slightly in irritation. Dr. Ni looked over at the boy for a minute for turning to Hakkai – who was luckily sitting next to the short brunette. "Enlighten him later. I wish you luck."

"Excuse me professor, but you forgot Kami-sama an-" Yaone was promptly ignored as Dr. Ni turned around and pulled out his teacher's addition science book. Everyone else grabbed theirs from their backpacks. Kougaiji promptly raised his hand.

Though, instead of waiting for not being called on, he voiced his opinion. "Sanzo and Gojyo don't have books." The redhead said simply, not bothering to take his out. He left it in Dokugaku's backpack for a reason.

"Ah, yes." Was all the black-haired replied with, probably ignoring the statement altogether. But, soon enough, two books flew across the room, promptly aiming and missing their intended targets. Zakuro snorted slightly and Lirin tried to resist the urge to fall onto the floor laughing. Dr. Ni merely scowled.

"Get out a piece of paper and copy the notes I have on chapter three." With that, the professor pulled the projector screen up, revealing words upon words, paragraphs upon paragraphs of notes. Everyone groaned, not at all happy with the work they were given.

And the sad thing was that they were better off copying out of the book itself. God dammit.

* * *

This was a spur of the moment idea. I _do_ intend to continue on with the story but don't expect constant updates. I happen to have more stories I need to work on. Anyway, reviews make me write faster, especially good ones. So, leave me one and we'll all be happy. Also, I will warn you that this is basically a crack fic, including slight (if not a lot) OOCness, and overall crackness. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter One: First, official, Day

I meant to upload this a few days ago, but life got so busy. ; A; So sorry~~

**Replies: **Sakural7865: Most likely, but only to fill minor roles.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Saiyuki_ or any characters associated with it. So don't sue me.

**Chapter One:** First, official, Day

Shangri-La High was known to anyone and everyone in the few towns over as "The School from Hell". This was for a very good reason. One, the completely insane Dean, Zanzeon Bosatsu, and the equally insane employees she hired.

Professor Jianyi was one of them. He ran "The Demon's Lair", which happened to be the worst classroom in the entire school. It was amazing how famous he and his students had become in such a short time.

The joy of this school, you're enrolled into a classroom and you stay there for the rest of high school. Unless, of course, your parents think that you've lost your mind and request a change. But those didn't happen so much anymore because there is still a chance of getting an even worse class, such as Dr. Ni's room.

Professor Jianyi whistled merrily to himself, ignoring the stares of the many students he passed by on his way to class. He spotted Gojyo and Sanzo, two students that had enrolled into the school just a few days before, as he opened the door to his room. The black-haired man stared at them for a while. And no, that was not creepy at all.

Sanzo, slightly shorter than Gojyo but still taller than many of the other students, was a quiet, very rude, person. He made the class more enjoyable. How? The blond whacked people with a paper fan. That was truly hilarious in the teacher's eyes.

Gojyo, the redhead, had weird antenna things, probably because he was part demon kappa. He was also loud and obnoxious, almost as much as Goku. The two of them had started fighting on the way out of class last Friday. Boy, oh boy. Dr. Ni couldn't wait to see a full out brawl happen in his classroom.

Walking into his classroom, he noticed Yaone – the bookworm – along with Hakkai and Goku. Those two were like brothers – or lovers – attached at the hip. Which was understandable seeing as how Hakkai and his sister had adopted the young monkey.

While Yaone ran back and forth, probably working on homework that wasn't due for a few months – Dr. Ni posted all assignments up, on the school website, a few months in advance – knowing her. Hakkai was readying a book, and by the looks of it, it was not only huge but in Russian. The blackette shook his head slightly. Goku, the scatterbrained chibi-chan he was, was currently blowing bubbles while attempting to write something.

The bell rang and, like always, everyone stormed into the classroom. Amazingly, Gat, Kamisama, _and_ Gyokumen were back today. Actually, it wasn't all that amazing. Kamisama had the habit of staying awake all night and sleeping in way past the start of school. Gat, most likely, passed out from something. Gyokumen was Gyumaoh's – the head bully at the school – girlfriend so she believed that she was above school.

So, everyone was here today. _'This is going to be interesting.'_ Dr. Ni thought silently, signing the attendance sheet before waving it slightly. Multiple students stood up abruptly. Taking attendance to the attendance office was one form of getting out of class – although short – and they make use of it.

Ignoring any whines that came his way, he had Goku do it. The boy would probably get distracted along the way but he had Hakkai to help him so it didn't really matter one way or the other. Plus, he was cute when he got back to class a few minutes later than he should have, all embarrassed like.

Amazingly though, Goku walked through the door – shooting a face or two at Lirin – a few minutes later, seating down in his seat. Homura, the pervert he was, wouldn't stop staring at the short brunette. Professor Jianyi took care of the situation – by throwing a book and successfully knocking the damn pervert out.

"Score one for Dr. Ni!" Goku and Lirin exclaimed in sync. Hakkai and Kougaiji rolled their eyes. Everyone else, except for a select few, was too busy making sure that Homura was alright. "He'll live – hopefully – so get back to work." The black-haired teacher muttered, pointing to the chapter notes that hadn't been finished on Friday.

----x----

It was currently lunch and everyone was out of their seats. Half the class was either in one of the empty seats while others were sitting on their desk. Everyone was chatting somewhat happily while they ate their lunch. Well, for Lirin and Goku, more like inhaled.

Gyokumen scowled in disgust as the two kids shoved food down their throats. It was truly amazing that they didn't start choking. "Would you look at that," Zakuro started, "Seems that chibi-chan doesn't have a gag reflex. You're one lucky dude Homura."

Half the class rolled their eyes as Homura passed out from a bloody nose, again. Sanzo and Gojyo looked on in silent half-wonder. "Homura _really_ has a thing for Goku." Dokugaku stated, chewing on a fried piece of fish. "These morons seem to enjoy making the idiot pass out." Sanzo muttered.

"Is it that obvious?" The two – Sanzo and Gojyo – started slightly when the taller brunette appeared beside them, silent as fuck. "Yes, it is." Sanzo answered, reaching for his paper fan. The green-eyed male simply held his hands up. "It definitely is a way to pass the time in class. I, myself, find it highly amusing."

"Of course Hakkai. You have deadly aim and Goku _is_ your brother." Yaone said, joining Kougaiji and Dokugaku.

"Indeed."

"You know, you're the only person I know who can say 'indeed' and not seem like a pompous jackass." Kougaiji stated, reaching for his boyfriend's French fry. Hakkai simply nodded, chewing on a granola bar he produced somewhere from within his jacket.

"So, what's your name, my lovely lotus blossom?" Gojyo winked, leaning closer to Yaone. About to speak, the demon girl was interrupted by Goku who, feeling bored, decided to glomp the black-haired girl from behind.

"How's it going?" The brunette grinned, opening his mouth when the redheaded prince offered him a tatter tot via chopsticks. "Ah, yes, Goku. Do you need anything?" Dokugaku asked, wiping his hands off on a napkin.

"More gum."

"Ah."

"Why does the monkey eat so much gum?" Gojyo asked, slightly miffed that he was interrupted while flirting.

"Sadly, my brother has a severe case of ADHD, but Lirin calls it 'Goldfish on drugs', and he needs to do two or more things at once it order to concentrate." Hakkai replied, pulling a packet of gum out of his jacket pocket. Goku grabbed it and, after pulling out a piece and plopping it in his mouth, ran over to help their teacher who was having difficulty getting the projector screen to work.

"So…Goku?"

"Like teach said on Friday, the cute chibi-chan." Dokugaku said, putting his styrofoam tray into the trash bin beside him. Sanzo and Gojyo looked over at the aforementioned boy. He was currently standing on a chair and, with Zakuro's help, was messing around with the projector screen. Apparently it wouldn't budge.

Goku screamed, falling over and onto the floor when the screen finally unlocked, the screen snapping back into its covering. Zakuro laughed slightly, helping the brunette get up. Homura was looking on in jealousy. Hazel was watching towards the two and, being the ass he was, pulled the screen out and let it go – the screen going back in with a loud snap. Goku, surprised, let out a shriek.

Zakuro, in turn, stole Hazel's hat and continued to run around the room with it, the silver-haired boy chasing him.

"This class is fucked up." Sanzo muttered, pulling out a cigarette and lit it. "The entire school is fucked up." Kougaiji replied, tripping Hazel as he went by. "No one messes with chibi-chan and gets away with it." The redhead shrugged when the silver-haired boy glared up at him.

The bell rang – indicating that it was the end of lunch – and everyone went back to their not-so respective seats. Half the class had decided to move up or back a few rows. Dr. Jianyi rolled into the classroom – having left sometime earlier unnoticed – on his chair, handing out papers to the people in the front row.

"Today, we will start a project. Said project will be 50% of your grade this quarter."

"Is that a lot?" Lirin asked, popping her gum bubble.

The blackette simply ignored the question, rolling back over to his desk. Grabbing Mr. Jiggles – as Goku and Zakuro so loved to call it – he placed the bunny on his head. Turning back to the classroom, he gestured up to the bunny. "You will be given a stuffed animal. As you may recall, last year we had bags of flour but thanks to Zakuro and Goku," – the two high-fived – "we will no longer be able to use them."

"What did those two do to them?" Gojyo asked, leaning closer to his brother as the teacher continued to explain the project. "They were in a three person group with Hakkai and let's just say…the cookies were delicious." The brown haired demon replied, half-listening.

"Now!" Dr. Ni shouted, regaining the attention of most his students. "For those who have yet to do this, you and a partner will be 'parents' of these stuffed animals. You will pick a gender via the mystery hat," – he motioned towards a large, black top hat – "and then name the 'baby'. For one month, you'll be required to fill out a pre-made scrap book on your baby. Completion is only one factor; it must be interesting. Also, the condition of the 'baby' will also play in the grading factor. And that means you Hazel. No making the baby explode."

With that, Dr. Jianyi started throwing stuffed animals at multiple students. "I hope you understand that you'll be assigned partners." – multiple students groaned – "Yaone, please list off the groups."

"Zakuro and Hazel." Hazel whacked the back of his head while Zakuro banged his against the desk.

"Zenon and Shien." The two were silent. They worked well together after all.

"Gat and Homura." The shorter of the two stood up, pissed off. "I will not work with that meat head!" Sadly, Homura was ignored.

"Goku and Sanzo." The blond simply rolled his eyes while Goku banged his head against his desk. He was hoping to get Hakkai again.

"Lirin and Yaone." The two high-fived; they were both good friends, they shouldn't have a problem working together.

"Gojyo and Hakkai." The redhead slammed his head against the desk; he was hoping to get partnered with a girl. Hakkai merely smiled.

"Kougaiji and Dokugaku." They were both silent; being a well known couple was a good thing indeed.

"Gyokumen, you'll have to work with Kamisama." With that, the black-haired girl handed the sheet of paper back to Professor Jianyi. "Goku, read off yours." The teacher stated, moving back to his desk.

"One person will be the mother and the other the father," – quite a few people groaned at this – "The father will have to 'apply' for a job to provide for the family. The mother will be responsible for making sure that the 'baby' isn't damaged."

Zakuro stood up abruptly. "I'll be the mother."

"Why would you be the mother?"

"Cause I was the father last time you dip shit. Besides, I don't want to fucking 'provide' for the family."

"How did that work out, by the way?" Gojyo asked, slightly confused on how a three-person couple would work out.

"I was a father, Hakkai was a father, and Goku was the mother. We had threesome sex!" Zakuro stated happily, falling backwards when Hakkai threw an eraser at him. Goku merely banged his head against the desk. "Now, I want you guys to figure out who 'mommy' and who 'daddy' will be. Zenon, Shien?" Dr. Ni said, ignoring the entire conversation.

"I guess I'll be the father." Zenon muttered, folding his arms on the desk before placing his head on them and falling asleep. The 'couple' had received a purple hippopotamus. Oh joy.

"Homura is the father, Zakuro is the mother." Dr. Jianyi mumbled, marking down the roles on his roster. "Goku and Sanzo?" The brunette held up a bluish white bunny. "I'll be the mother." He stated, blowing a bubble afterwords.

Nodding, Dr. Ni wrote it down. "Yaone, Lirin?" The dirty blond jumped up, holding out a reddish brown monkey. "I'll be the father. I'd probably end up leaving it on the bus if I was the mother." The teacher marked that down as well.

"Dokugaku and Kougaiji…wait, I already know this. Kougaiji is the mother?" The two merely nodded, holding up their black frog, while Dr. Ni wrote it down. "Hakkai, Gojyo?"

The brunette stood up, pointing down to the red stuffed bear. "I'll be the mother I guess." Dr. Jianyi nodded, writing it down. "Homura, Gat." The two stayed silent, not bothering to reply. "Okay," the blackette muttered, writing something down. "You're the father Homura."

"Gyokumen, you'll be the father and Kamisama will be the mother." The female demon simply rolled her eyes while twirling her hair. She had better things to do than this. Good thing that Kamisama was good with toys _and_ children.

"Now, get to work." Everyone stood up, getting together to work with their partners. Zakuro plopped down behind Goku and began playing with the boy's long hair. "You're lucky chibi-chan. I got 'His assness'."

"That isn't even a word." Hazel stated, sitting next to his _partner_. Zakuro simply rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out. "At least you didn't get stuck with droopy eyes." Gojyo grinned, ducking before said person could hit him with the paper fan.

"I wish I had Sanzo. I'd rather get my head beat in with a paper fan then deal with this son of a bitch." Zakuro mumbled, pushing his purple bangs out of his eyes. "You seriously need hair clips." Goku stated, having turned around.

"Whatever." And, with that, the green-eyed demon fell asleep in his desk. Hazel rolled his eyes, not willing to believe that he got stuck with this moron. "You know, Zakuro, if you didn't stay up so late at night playing video games, you wouldn't fall asleep in class so much." Hakkai stated, sitting next to Goku. Gojyo took his place behind Hakkai; next to Zakuro.

"You're lucky, water sprite. Knowing Hakkai, he'll do most of the work." Goku mumbled, leaning against the older brunette. Hakkai merely patted his head, smiling. Goku, moments away from falling asleep, was woken up – along with Zakuro – when their teacher dropped a large book on the floor.

"Time to find out the genders!" Their black-haired teacher exclaimed, a smile on his face. One person from every group went up and grabbed a piece of paper from the 'Mystery Hat'. Kougaiji and Dokugaku got a male. Goku and Sanzo had a male as well. Zakuro and Hazel received a female as well as Hakkai and Gojyo.

"Well this sucks." Zakuro muttered. "If we have her long enough to go into puberty, I'm so chopping her up into pieces." The purple-haired demon glared down at their black frog.

This project was going to be torture.

* * *

As I 'said' before, I'll be taking OCs throughout the story but only to fill minor roles. Please leave their name, occupation (teacher, student, cafeteria lady, etc), and brief description of both appearance and personality in a review. Although, I don't promise that I'll use every single one.

Also, if you have any ideas for future school projects, or how the_ Saiyuki_ characters react to the current project, please don't hesitate to tell me. After all, I enjoy creating bonds between readers and non-existent characters. Not only that, but I also need ideas for 'baby' names. D:


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